before you become the enemy
by delianaa
Summary: dougie got out of rehab, he has good intentions, but not always good directions.
1. Chapter 1

**Dougie**

**chaper 1**

I just came out of there, deep breaths. Think about your breathing! Sit up, go to meetings. Believe in yourself, you can do it. It just takes time. More than I want. Does it even ever end? You know the feeling of … of nothing, emptiness. Hollow? The faces, the masks. I can't be the only one, the only one with a mask. Or am I just that weird, I mean I know I'm not your normal guy but still.

"doug!" I turned around at the sound, it was tom I know but he wasn't supposed to be here. He was out with Gi, I thought. "yes?" in a fluent movement I put my plate on the table, and looked in his eyes.

"Sorry were back this early, Gi wasn't feeling well" Gi walked past the kitchen waving at me. I waved back and proceeded to take the cutlery, "she'll be alright, just an upset stomach" he continued. I smiled and answer "well, she did produce Buzz here, so an upset stomach won't kill her" tom smiled back. "that my friend is very true" Gi yelled from the family room.

As I ate my spaghetti tom came and sit next to me, "bad thoughts?" he asked, I nodded. I tried to keep quiet, not only the voices but also how I really felt, " will you tell me?" he continued "I want to Tom, I just don't know how." I replied, I stopped eating at this point, my hunger was over, not because of the conversation but because of, I don't know of what. Seemed to happen a lot with these new medication.

"I understand Doug, you know that" "if I want to talk" I continued, I know the drill, I've heard it many times before. I know they all mean well, especially Tom, and I know that it might have sounded rude but, this all makes me feel like a puppet. "sorry" I said getting up and placing my plate full of spaghetti on the counter. Tom gave me an nod and walked to the living room.

I looked outside trough the foggy window, this house feels so small again. "I'm going for a walk" I yelled, making my way to the door. " okay Doug" tom yelled back, " put on a scarf, its cold out" Gi continued. I thanked her for the suggestion, waved good bye and left. Gi was right, it is very cold out here. I could see my own breath. I like that tough, makes me think I'm smoking again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Dougie**

**Chapter 2**

My skin burned from the cold northern wind. I looked up to the park, it had something mysterious at this hour. No children playing, no laughter. It was dead silent, the only thing you could hear was a car in de distend and the birds sleeping. The fog made the look complete. It felt like a ghost town, a peaceful ghost town. I found a benches and snored in the cold wind. I Feld a chilling down my spine, two guys were talking in the faded away after a few times of " what did you do? " But I didn't care, I was frozen to the bench, frozen in my thoughts, in my own web. I never knew that I could think this much about nothing, about everything, about things that don't even matter anymore. I used to be a quick fix. Party it away a few times and then I could start over, but the parting didn't end this time, I went from one to the other, between gigs and signings I tried to stay sober. I had that much dignity.

"no, listen to me, she had it coming. The nosy bitch should have stayed playing with her dolls." I suddenly heard screaming. Its pitch dark, and the fog didn't help. I couldn't see who they were. He sounded like a young fella. But I wasn't sure, and what was it about? Disaster scenarios played in my head, did they kill somebody, where those the guys from 5 minutes ago that were yelling "what did you do?" are they going to murder me? Oh great I can see the headlines coming already 'depressive rock star killed' who'd care anyway. Stupid of me, I know the boys and the fans would but never mind.

"don't tell I warn you" I heard one of them whispering, they were right in front of me at this point, were they talking to me? I mean I can't see them so how could they see me? I held my breath and didn't move an inch. My eyes were wide open searching for even a silhouette but nothing. "I-I- w-won't-t" I heart in a stutter. They didn't see me? thank god. The footsteps continued and walked away slowly. What just happened, I asked myself. I got up, took my cellphone and used it as a flash light to search the whole park. I didn't see a thing apart from the swings that were going back and forward, making a screaking noise.

Those two guys probably just made plans to pull a joke on one of their sisters who told on them. I shrugged off and turned around, locked my phone so my flash light wouldn't keep on burning causing my battery to die. Slowly I walked back to the house. My toes were frozen and it made walking difficult, once back to the house I could see that there weren't any lights burning anymore. I looked at my phone, well no shit its already 2 A.M. I grabbed my keys from my pocked and tried to open the door as silent as I could. of course old doors never open silent, it sounded as if I bombed the place instead of trying to be silent. On the tips of my frozen toes I walked upstairs to my room and searched the heat of my electric blanket.

Trying to forget the whole night I closed my eyes hoping that tomorrow I would have a good day. Since they were coming more and more I figured wishing for it on the bad nights could only help. I took one last deep breaths dimmed the lights and let the ticking from the tree om my window drift me to sleep. For once I was completely silent in my mind.


End file.
